getting started

"...fear leads us away from the work G*d wants to do in our heart"(www.TheGodJourney.com).
And it probably kept me from getting started here...

I think I've been getting the push to do this for several months, but I don't know where to start.  I know I want to talk about mostly just where I am right now.

I'm just an average Jill: an imperfect woman, an inconsistent wife, a sometimes-too-strict mom, an overwhelmed housekeeper, a home educator who probably doesn't capitalize on every opportunity, and a friend who doesn't call as often as she should.  And despite the fact I hope I never go to church again, most importantly, I'm a sinner, saved by incredible, humbling, overflowing grace.

I'm learning.  How to be a mom, even after 10 years of on the job training.  I'm learning.  More about history as I teach it to my kids, and it blows my mind how much I missed in a good public school.  I'm learning.  How to be a much better wife in this decade of marriage than the first one, now that we're getting ready to enter the next.

I'm learning how to follow hard after my Salvation.  I found out he's Jewish.  When you ignore what the church has been shoving down your throat, and read the scripture, wow.  The Jewishness of Jesus (Yeshua in Hebrew) is nearly sanitized right off him. 
But when you strip all that away.  Wow.  Amazing.  There is so much richness and depth.  Like going from black and white tube TV to 1080p digital.  There are holidays - holy days - that are ignored by those who think they believe in the Bible.  They are commanded to be celebrated, and they are ignored.  Their own celebrations fit them better.  Actually they fit better what the pagans didn't want to give up, and so that they could claim them on their list of "souls" saved, they just added a little Jesus to them and compromised with the pagans. 
That is only the surface, only a drop of what I've come to understand.
I'm learning how to celebrate in ways that are deeply true and right and freeing.  How to be what my friend called a 'newbie jewbie.'
I'm learning what it really means to follow, to honor, to obey , as an outpouring of love for Him.  Not out of fear.  Not out of obligation, or strict adherence to what any man has prescribed.  Out of love, and out of relationship.
But only Yeshua, and what his book teaches us. 
So here is a little peek into my journey.  Some things great, some things not-so-much.  A journey that has taken turns never imagined, and gone to places infinitely fulfilling, and sometimes surprisingly painful.
I am so far from perfect.  I don't wish to offend, but only to share. So please extend mercy.  Just read it all through.
I'll try not to get too Messi...