I've been making valiant efforts to try to sit down to blog at something really a little bit deeper. For weeks I've been contemplating multiple things, and so many things keep coming at me. I wonder some days why I thought I could keep up a blog. As a busy home educating mother of four from puberty to pampers, trying to help her hubby get through an intense college schedule, and still make all my frugal meals from scratch and work a few hours a week, blogging should stream right in to that pace. Right?
Obviously I have some issues with reality at times. Insert sarcasm here. I have lots of life coming at me, and I'm getting lots out of life too. But sometimes I get frustrated because there are so many things that I want to accomplish, so many things that I would very much love to get my fingers sunk into. There are many arenas that I would love to run after with full vigor. So many things I feel so passionately about. So I try to streamline, and just fit them in as I can.
Streamlining means prioritizing. My kids are going to head to a slot high a top that list, and their education is equally high. We stumbled around a bit as we began a new curriculum this year with very limited resources, and difficulty finding the books at prices we could afford. And we were delayed in some of the areas we started delving into until we could purchase materials. There were further delays with figuring out what we were supposed to study when, and then with waiting on library materials at times too. We would 'make do' with what we had, and then take a few steps back as the materials would arrive. And as the year went on I realized we had not accomplished what I thought we should have by the time it appeared we should have. Ten weeks into our school year we were on week 3 or 4 of the curriculum schedule.
Certainly I began to question: what are we doing wrong!? We need to hurry up!!
But then I remembered that the program was designed to be used at half pace if desired so as to dig more deeply into the subjects. So really we weren't as far behind as I thought. And we were definitely learning. I say WE because I am learning right alongside them. Things I never learned when I was a kid. It is delicious!
Then we factored in field trips, drama class, illness, etc., and despite all we were actually right on pace. Plus we were ahead of other families we knew of on our attendance already. So that was kind of fun, and very reassuring.
The best part was - though - that G-d has had His hand in the whole process. We studied several things that coincided with our torah portions schedule, such as studying the science part about creation - types of animals, classifications, and many other parts of nature - as we read about Adam and Eve and the days of creation in scriptures with our congregation, and with other Jews worldwide.
And now as we began to study Ancient Egypt, a turmoil arose bringing to light why the history is so important. I couldn't have designed a better lesson than what is in our newspaper every morning.
And then as our torah portions describe the building and design of the tabernacle and the priests clothing, we are studying the same in our history course again.
All of life seems to be reinforcing itself, giving confirmation repeatedly that we are to leave our plans in G-d's hands. These things that we can try so hard to design, plan, calculate, and set up - he holds them all. We only need to strive for him. For scripture. To keeps our minds and hearts open to him and to his ways. Striving and trying and struggling only toward him is where our efforts need to be. Not on keeping a schedule that we think we "ought" to try to maintain, so as not to fall behind.
So for now I will try to stay hungry. I pray for that, that I will not lose the intensity of the hunger I have had on this journey for over a year now. Sometimes the intensity is almost painful because it is so overwhelming. But when the meat of the word arrives, it is also intensely delicious!
