All she ever thinks about

I was inadvertently told by the child of an adult I know that the adult thinks that my faith in G-d is 'all I ever think about.'

I'll take that as a complement!
I have prayed for the hunger and thirst of Psalm 42 to remain with me.  I am certainly not perfect, and I don't think that it's truly at the 100% mark yet.  However, I have had an intensity to my walk, my halachah, for the last 18 months that has been unlike any I've experienced before.  It rarely wanes.  I seek ways to cram in an extra sermon, another documentary about a hero of the faith, listen to podcasts and praise music almost exclusively, and scour the internet for more ways to teach my kids about Him.  Sometimes the intensity is overwhelming.  I'm doing research and studies on issues and questions whenever I can, digging thru those 'boring' old commentaries and concordances.  I am finding ways to submerge myself in Torah, in all of scripture.

G-d answers prayer, no?

And of late I have also been 'cramming' in as much prayer time as I can.  While driving, I'll sometimes pause those podcasts and just pray for the person that came to mind or over the issue that is being discussed.  Over dishes in my sink, I'll pray for my kids finishing their schoolwork in the next room.  I have seen so many mini-miracles from this.
The first and most dramatic was the protection I received last week while driving directly below a tornado in the dark.  I knew it was there.  I could feel it.  I flipped the radio on to check the weather.  There was indeed a warning for my location.  My ears popped and released the fluid that had been trapped in my sinuses for weeks.  The windows on my car started whistling.  The 'little hairs' all stood up.  The rain was completely horizontal, and the wind nearly removed my vehicle from the road.  And as I tried to see thru the sheets of water, tree limbs at least 8 feet long danced vertically across the road ahead of me.
What did I do?
I prayed.  That was my first instinct.  I asked for more people to pray for me to cover me until I could get out to the other side of the storm.
Later, I was able to confirm that He did have others pray for me right at that moment.  Two families stopped what they were doing and prayed.  And as you can see, He protected me and brought me to the other side of the storm.  (I still had shaking hands for about two days afterward.  Tornadoes in the dark are just plain scary!)
So as you know I'm just an average Jill, making my way on my journey, occasionally populated by toddlers and twisters, and praying my way along.  Like the Psalmist, there are many times that I feel a groaning inside, times I am downcast.
And I am seeing more answers than just for protection.  I am seeing blessings on those I know and love as they seek to follow Yeshua.  I am hearing words for their walk, to edify them deeply.  I am humbly blessed to be able to bless.  There are times when I am overjoyed to be with the crowd in the house of God, and joyful to be with the praising throngs celebrating the festival.  There are times when I receive confirmation and resonance in my spirit, in ways that only G-d could have set it up.  Deep calls to deep.
Yet I lack courage to share to the extent that I should.
Its an imperfect, and very personal journey.  I'll keep praying about it till I can come out with it.  I have so much courage in some things, and none at all with others!
So pray with me, hunger with me, thirst with me.
Make Him all YOU ever think about.
Psalm 42
1 For the leader. A maskil of the descendants of Korach: Just as a deer longs for running streams, God, I long for you. 2 I am thirsty for God, for the living God! When can I come and appear before God? 3 My tears are my food, day and night, while all day people ask me, "Where is your God?" 4 I recall, as my feelings well up within me, how I'd go with the crowd to the house of God, with sounds of joy and praise from the throngs observing the festival. 5 My soul, why are you so downcast? Why are you groaning inside me? Hope in God, since I will praise him again for the salvation that comes from his presence. 6 My God, when I feel so downcast, I remind myself of you from the land of Yarden, from the peaks of Hermon, from the hill Mizar. 7 Deep is calling to deep at the thunder of your waterfalls; all your surging rapids and waves are sweeping over me. 8 By day ADONAI commands his grace, and at night his song is with me as a prayer to the God of my life. 9 I say to God my Rock, "Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, under pressure by the enemy? 10 My adversaries' taunts make me feel as if my bones were crushed, as they ask me all day long, 'Where is your God?'" 11 My soul, why are you so downcast? Why are you groaning inside me? Hope in God, since I will praise him again for being my Savior and God.

I feel good, da da da da da da

I just finished what should have been a grueling day, not getting back home till 1:30am.  Errands, homeschool, sick child, meals on the fly, software trouble, dishes, clean up, rush off to work.  I should be ready to collapse.  But I'm not, and I'm not even over-caffeinated!

I have talked before about my struggles with a systemic post-antibiotic candida since intravenous treatment following the birth of my daughter.  She will be two in just a few weeks.  It has affected most of my internal organs: stomach, GI tract, spleen, pancreas,  liver, and brain.  Even some skin. I had gradually spiralled downward into a crabby, depressed mommy who ached in every muscle and joint,  had no energy, and was struggling to put a sentence together some days.  Then more severe symptoms began that were much more graphic, but I'll leave those out for decency's sake.  This has been a long battle.  It took several months to even figure out what the problem was in the first place. 

Now, I don't want to be over confident, but I am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel!  THIS is what I used to feel like.   See, I KNEW it wasn't just the 'aging' process.

I have been using natural homeopathic treatments and have changed the way I eat fairly drastically.  Despite feeling desperately deprived for a few weeks, it was all worth it.  I don't think any of it would have done the job though, had I not broken down  in prayer.  Here's the story.

After several weeks of natural treatments (I was using grapefruit seed extract, probiotics, and activated charcoal.) alone not finishing off this nasty little bacteria, I begged God to show me what I needed to do. 

Diet needed to be addressed.  I started researching and He started  putting people in my path to help.  A very dear friend had already been giving me tons of help in treating, and then others started sharing their stories.   I knew the diet part was going to be very difficult, but also knew there was no victory without it.  Goodbye sugar, caffeine, all wheat products, anything with yeast, and most dairy.  This meant most of my favorites were gone.  Chocolate first.  Coffee.  Bread, (what, no challah!), cheese, ice cream, even fruit. No pasta, beans, potatoes, carrots. I was down to a few veggies and meat.  And it made me a little crazy!!
And it didn't work.
I thought I was going to cry.
And then I did cry.
And I called out to God - what else can I do?????!!!!
And then there was just one word that he put into my mind: garlic.
What!?  I usually love that in pasta or when we make beans and rice.  I can't have pasta OR beans!
But it reminded me that I needed to use God's medicine and garlic is one of his most potent ones.  I needed to support my immune system as it was fighting to overcome everything being thrown at it.
Then I started supporting with vitamin C as well.
And within a few days, I began to see major improvements.  Clearer thought, things started tasting better.  One morning I noticed my shampoo had a great smell.  I hadn't even noticed my sense of smell had been so diminished.  Then my energy started picking up.  I no longer fight falling asleep at the wheel toward the end of my routes.
The medicines man made didn't work this time.  God's medicine - our Great Physician - and my Healer came through.
And I just wanted to let you know.
Isn't He awesome!?!?